The Inner Voice of Who Knows What

the pilgrimage: Henri Nouwen and my own topsy-turvy little heart

who i am minus the exegesis

I feel like recently I’ve been trying to figure out who I am apart from my theology…
It’s weird.

My theology is such an immense, powerful, driving, catalystic part of who I am, but one day I realized that if my beliefs are my only source of identity, I am missing out on something.

If you ask me who I am, I might answer that I am a person who wants desperately to work for social justice, a person who finds joy in reading the Bible as a narrative and not as a rulebook, a person who believes that salvation is so much more than we give it credit for.

But what about the parts of me that aren’t defined by my theology?
I am also a person who wants desperately to become a better singer and dancer, a person who finds joy in the promise of revolution, in the late 1960s and the freedom that is expressed in living counterculturally with a group of people that you love, a person who believes that a bit of jazz, a dash of wilderness, and a spot of tea are very good remedies for mundane life.

Maybe it’s self-indulgent. But I have certainly enjoyed getting to know myself better.

Of course my theology is behind so much of what I do, how I think, and who I am.
But maybe I don’t have to rationalize it all out, and instead just embrace the surface of me. If you know me at all, you know that I despise staying at the surface of things… but perhaps it’s good to learn how to live at the surface and see just glimpses of what’s beneath.

All this to say – apologies if I haven’t been too theological lately, I’ve been preoccupied with discovering what my theology means for me in everyday life.


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2 thoughts on “who i am minus the exegesis

  1. I believe that life is combining these two aspects of life, the theology (y) and the practicality (y), and coming out with a ridiculous conglomeration of who you actually are. it’s like sitting on the fence, but not really. you just are the happy medium of both can’t have true theology and not act on it. and you can’t do things without knowing why you’re doing them.just my two cents.

  2. Theology is what you want it to be and plays the role you want it to. I’m not a particularly religious person but do believe in the spiritual. I think the Stone Roses had it right in their song “Breaking into heaven”:”You can have it all any time you want it – the kingdom’s all inside.”Also love your “good philosophy” quote.Thanks for posting :)

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