The Inner Voice of Who Knows What

the pilgrimage: Henri Nouwen and my own topsy-turvy little heart

Just a wee bit more introduction.

Henri, excerpts from the introduction:

“This book is my secret journal. It was written in the most difficult period of my life, from December 1987 to June 1988…

“Within me there was one long scream coming from a place I didn’t know existed, a place full of demons… All this was triggered by the sudden interruption of a friendship… One friendship encouraged me to to allow myself to be loved and cared for with greater confidence… But this deeply satisfying friendship soon became the road to my anguish, because soon I discovered that the enormous space that had been opened for me could not be filled by the one who had opened it. I became possessive, needy, and dependent, and when the friendship had to be interrupted, I fell apart. I felt abandoned, rejected, and betrayed. Indeed, the extremes touched each other.

“Intellectually I knew that no human friendship could fulfill the deepest longing of my heart. I knew that only God could give me what I desired. I knew that I had been set on a road where nobody could walk with me but Jesus. But all this knowledge didn’t help me in my pain.

“… Writing became part of my struggle for survival. It gave me the little distance from myself that I needed to keep from drowning in my despair… I was able day by day to take very small steps toward life.”

This is my hope, small steps toward life day by day.


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