The Inner Voice of Who Knows What

the pilgrimage: Henri Nouwen and my own topsy-turvy little heart

Day 20: Solid.

Henri, Follow Your Deepest Calling:

When you discover in yourself something that is a gift from God, you have to claim it and not let it be taken away from you. Sometimes people who do not know your heart will altogether miss the importance of something that is part of your deepest self, precious in your eyes as well as God’s. They might not know you well enough to be able to respond to your genuine needs. It is then that you have to speak your heart and follow your own deepest calling.

There is a part of you that too easily gives in to others’ influence. As soon as someone questions your motives, you start doubting yourself. You end up agreeing with the other before you have consulted your own heart. Thus you grow passive and simply assume that the other knows better.

Here you have to be very attentive to your inner self. “Coming home” and “being given back to yourself” are expressions that indicate that you have a solid inner base from which you can speak and act – without apologies – humbly but convincingly.

me:

I think Henri and I are growing together. Moving from feeling like flotsam and jetsam floating around in the chaos, we’ve remembered this solid inner base. It is refreshing to know once again that this inner base, this inner voice, has never left me – but just been shouted out by other voices lately.

Sometimes people who do not know your heart will altogether miss the importance of something that is part of your deepest self, precious in your eyes as well as God’s.

I feel this when I try to express how much nonviolent resistance, or simplicity, or jazz, mean to me. How much they are a part of my deepest self, created to be pieces of me, that are integrally precious to the way God knit me together.

I’m learning not to shy away from proclaiming those, but instead owning them as parts of me. Parts that enrich and enliven who I am. You know who you are – I know who I am – in your deepest self. And in the times that you think you don’t, say hallelujah for that inner solid base that may have just gone underground for a bit.

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